Restoring Emotional Balance

Emotions

  • Emotions are central to the life-regulating processes of almost all living creatures.

  • Clinical studies demonstrate that patients with brain lesions impacting emotional centers (i.e. the limbic system) are unable to make good decisions even when reasoning appears unaffected.

  • We wouldn’t have music, art, justice, or moral philosophy without the impelling force of emotions.

  • Our core emotions are necessary for survival and have specific wired-in program. They give us critical information about our environment and experiences.

  • Emotions are deeply connected to bonding. Think of the emotions you feel when holding a new-born baby in your arms or seeing a loved one again after a long absence.

  • Emotions like awe, gratitude, and compassion are powerful determinants of prosocial action. They can pull us out of ourselves and connect us with something larger than ourselves.

Flowers & Waves

Emotions as Flowers. Think of emotions as the flower garden of human experience. Much like flowers, emotions have a natural lifespan. They bud, bloom, wilt, and fade away. An emotion that is felt and expressed is in full bloom. Once release has occurred, emotions naturally wilt and fade away. If we don’t allow them to bloom, we miss out on much of the rich experience of living.

Emotions as Waves. Or you might think about emotions as waves that wash over you and then recede back into the ocean. Some may be gentle. And some waves may knock you off your feet for a bit. But we can learn to appreciate the natural ebb and flow of emotions without drowning, damming them up, attaching to them, or allowing them to become our identity.

How long is the natural lifespan of an emotion? The answer is, it depends. The chemical process that precedes an emotion lasts about 90 seconds. But, it is important to separate the chemical process from the felt sense. An emotion is more than a chemical process. We are complex beings with a well developed neocortex that seeks to create meaning and find resolution. Our brains use whatever tools are available to address the emotion. This can include searching its own data bank for cognitive schemas or patterns to organize information, create stories, develop understanding, assign meaning, and identify ways to cope.

Researchers looked at 27 different emotions and found a wide degree of variability in terms of lifespan (Verduyn & Lavrijsen, 2015). Some emotions lasted for minutes and others lasted for hours. And some emotions seemed to pair up naturally but have different lifespans. Fear was experienced for a brief period, but anxiety (its natural companion) lasted up to 24 hours for the participants in this study. Shame was also fairly short in duration (about 30 minutes), but guilt lasted up to 10 times longer.

Emotions that were associated with an event of high importance and rumination tended to last the longest. And, sadness, by far, was the longest lasting emotion with a lifespan of up to 5 days in this study. Let’s break this down a little more using a bereaved parent or partner as an example. Burying one’s child or partner is an event of high importance. It can upend the person’s entire life and challenge their beliefs, identity, hope for the future and so much more. Their brains will naturally ruminate and struggle to make sense of it - and for a lot longer than 5 days!

Anxiety

Anxiety is a response to stress and a normal part of life. It’s common for us to feel nervous prior to starting a new job or fear when someone we love is sick.

Anxiety is biological reaction that has taken on the job of trying to protecting us. Anxiety helps us stay safe. Think of this inhibitory emotions as analogous to your car’s brakes. If you are driving through an unprotected intersection, feeling anxious might help you slow down a little and avoid an accident.

Let’s consider the role that anxiety may play in your life. Visualize yourself as a neutral observer of your emotions and thoughts and see what comes up when you consider these questions.

  • How is anxiety influenced by your thoughts or past experiences?

  • What behaviors or outcomes is anxiety trying to manage?

  • What is anxiety protecting you from?

  • What truth, message, or story does anxiety tell if you listen with compassion and curiosity?

Anxiety is a normal and natural emotion. Our body’s natural alarm system is designed to alert us to danger so that we can take action. However, biology and environment can impact our natural threat system increasing hypersensitivity to perceived threats and wreaking havoc on our nervous system. Sometimes we get signals that something “bad” is about to happen when there is little or no threat to our immediate safety. If this happens a lot, it can interfere with our daily activities. Worry and fear may become our constant companions. We may feel as if we are constantly on alert. If you are experiencing anxiety with little relief, there are some things that can help.

Holistic Strategies for Managing Anxiety

1. Engage in activities that are linked to the release of oxytocin (the bonding or love hormone). Research suggests that moderate levels of anxiety may cause the release oxytocin. And we can engage in activities that honor and integrate the body’s natural healing response to anxiety. Some examples are petting animals, cuddling, hugging, skin-to-skin contact, mindfulness, massage, expressing affection, positive interactions with others, and eating. Interestingly some types of music and fragrances have also been linked to the release of oxytocin. Experiment a little and see what works best for you.

2. Exercise decreases stress hormones.

3. Limiting or eliminating alcohol, caffeine, and processed foods may help with mood fluctuations.

4. Meditation can help you manage anxiety. Consider meditations centered on love or the heart chakra.

5. Be mindful of the content you consume through social media and the news. This digital deluge can overload our cognitive systems. Our brains can struggle to process the constant drumbeat of emotionally charged information, leading to increasing anxiety and depression.

6. And, therapy can help you better understand your anxiety.

Sadness and Depression

A woman with brown hair, wearing a pink top and a pink watch, sitting with her eyes closed and her hand covering her mouth, appearing emotional.

Sadness, although uncomfortable, is a core emotion that helps us remember what is important in life. It helps us slow down and think about our lives, relationships, and goals a little more introspectively. It is natural to go within when we are sad. Major life changes like death, break ups, and illness can bring feelings of sadness and remind us about what is most valuable in life.

Many of us have been taught to value and show only positive emotions. We learn to hide or mask emotions labeled as “negative” which may be seen as character flaws or mental weakness by others. However, we seem to have forgotten two very important things.

  • Sadness, and other uncomfortable emotions, are part of the universal human experience. There is no life without loss. And, are all living in a world where there is violence, injustice, despair, and scarcity.

  • Secondly, healing may be found in the emotions that many of us actively avoid or shun. Emotions, like sadness, or despair, carry a sacred wisdom that you cannot access if you are unwilling to travel the path of vulnerability with your emotional pain as your wise guide.

Acknowledging and allowing sadness can help us move toward acceptance and a more meaningful existence. It can actually help us create a more aligned version of our life.

Gilbertson (2014), author of The Art of Constructive Wallowing, offers a focused practice of “being with your emotions” that includes intention, loving kindness, curiosity, and compassion. She suggests that if we truly want more joy and enthusiasm, it can be helpful to allow our real feelings (especially the uncomfortable emotions) to move through us, whatever they are. Let them tell their story and be open the messages and insights that they bring.

What would happen if we embrace and hold each emotion the same way we would hold a newborn - gently and with love? Experiment with this a little. What happens when you hold sadness, anxiety, or anger close with respect and love?

Depression, however, is more than sadness. It’s a long-lasting shift in mood that affects how we feel, think, and function in daily life. Some of the common experiences of depression are:

  • feeling sad, empty, or hopeless most of the time,

  • low energy or feeling tired even after rest,

  • loss of interest in things you once enjoyed,

  • trouble sleeping, concentrating, or making decisions,

  • feeling worthless or guilty without a clear reason, and

  • thoughts of suicide.

We may feel like we are weighted down by a heavy, wet blanket and that the little things in life take a huge amount of effort to accomplish. We may want to isolate ourselves even though we feel lonely. And, we may question our capabilities, lovability, and worthiness.

Every person is different. Treating depression is generally a process that takes time and patience. With support and guidance, it is possible to regain a sense of joy and fulfillment in life.

Holistic Strategies for Managing Depression

1. Engage in activities that reduce social isolation. You might be amazed at how much a brief social interaction (like chatting with someone in the grocery store line) impacts your mental health. Human connection is essential.

2. Exercise releases endorphins, serotonin, and reduces stress which can improve mood. Try taking a few little 10-15 minute walks every day. Or try yoga. Research suggests that regular exercise may promote neuron growth and improve brain connectivity, similar to some antidepressants. 

3. Nutrition. Consider incorporating foods rich in Omega-3s, B Vitamins (B6, folate, B12), and Vitamin D. Consult your healthcare provider about about dietary or supplement changes.

4. Meditation is so good for your brain! Researcher and author, Andrew Newberg, suggests that just 13 minutes of meditation each day can improve cognitive and emotional health by strengthening neural circuits for focus, reducing cortisol (a stress hormone), and increasing compassion. 

5. This bears repeating. Be mindful of the content you consume through social media and the news. This digital deluge can overload our cognitive systems. Our brains can struggle to process the constant drumbeat of emotionally charged information, leading to increasing anxiety and depression.

6. Sleep. Getting enough sleep can help stabilize mood and increase energy.

7. Ecotherapy. Go out outside. Engage with nature. Whether it’s gardening, walking or sitting among the trees, just being in nature can improve mood and energy.

8. And, therapy can help you better understand patterns of thinking and behavior that may contribute to depression.

Book Nook

  • Peace is Every Step

    Everyday Mindfulness

  • Don't Believe Everything You Think

    Understanding the impact and origin of you thinking patterns

  • Healing Through the Dark Emotions

    The wisdom of grief, fear, and despair

  • How God Changes Your Brain

    Meditation and prayer as practices to promote cognitive and emotional health