Grief & Holding Space
Wondering how to support someone that is grieving? One way you can show your support is by holding space. Your simple presence may be the most healing and helpful thing you have to offer. Grievers often need someone to be present and bear witness to the pain, tears, and memories.
Family Estrangement & the Holidays
Families go “no-contact” for many reasons. Choosing to end a relationship with family members may be an adaptive response to an unhealthy environment. However, nearly all estrangements are accompanied by a sense of loss, sadness, or anger – this true even if you are the one that chose to go “no-contact”. Images of happy families on Facebook and Instagram may add salt to the wound.
Brain Injury: Surviving the Holidays
As the holiday season approaches, you may have mixed feelings about gathering with friends and family. You might be excited about reconnecting with loved ones. Or you might even feel anxious about interacting with friends and family. Or you may even plan to spend the holidays alone.
Whatever your plans, the holiday season might be accompanied by many different feelings and challenges. There may be feelings of loss or sadness about all that has changed in your life. It is also common to feel stressed or anxious. You’ve been through a life-transforming event. This holiday season might feel and look different than holidays in the past.
Grief and the Holidays
This can be a particularly hard time of year for those of us that grieve the loss of loved ones. As we gather, we are naturally reminded of the ones that are not here to celebrate with us. It may feel incredibly unfair as you scroll through all the images of happy families and couples on Facebook or Instagram. You may desperately wish that you could spend one more special day with your deceased mother, sister, or spouse.
Family Estrangement
Social media is filled with idealized images of families. You’ve probably never seen pictures of a family in conflict or struggling – there are no unfiltered images of tear-streaked, dejected faces. If you are estranged from your family, you may not know how common it is. You might feel alone and stigmatized as you scroll images of “happy” families. However, family estrangement is quite common and there are many others out there – like you - that are struggling with being cutoff.
Change, Personal Growth, and Loss
It is quite common for us to think about our identities as “fixed”. However, subtle changes may be occurring over time without our awareness. It is very similar to the physical changes that happen over time. If you compare a recent picture with an old picture of yourself, you will probably notice some differences. But, what about the internal changes? Are you the same person you were 5 years ago, 10 years ago, even 20 or 30 years ago? If not, what kind of changes do you notice? Do you know when the change began?
Relationship Changes after Brain Injury
Has your relationship changed since the brain injury? If you answered yes, you are not alone. Many couples report significant changes in their relationship following a brain injury. In fact, a brain injury can impact nearly every aspect of your relationship. For some couples the changes may be more profound, for others the changes may be a little more subtle. Just as every brain injury is unique, every relationship is unique.
Someone I Love is Dying: Anticipatory Grief
Grief does not wait until after death when someone is terminally ill. Grief can begin when there is a diagnosis. Grief that happens before death looks like grief that happens after the death. Anticipatory grief does not prevent grief after death. Grief is a normal and natural response to an anticipated death.
Severe Brain Injury and Family Experiences
A few researchers sat with families and interviewed them about their experiences following a severe brain injury (Stenberg, Stalnacke, & Saveman, 2022). Their findings were interesting, but I’m sure they are not a surprise to families living with brain injury. Here are their findings. Do any of their findings sound familiar to you?
My loved one’s brain injury has changed me.
How has your loved one’s brain injury changed you? Families face many, many changes following a brain injury. The changes can be significant and dramatic.
Brain Injury and Family Grief
A severe brain injury is one of the most devastating events that a family can experience. Losses are multi-layered and complex. Changes in your family member can be profound enough to be grieved like a death. Additional losses may include loss of relationship(s), financial stability, changes family roles, and many more.
Brain Injury - Layers of Loss and Change
Feelings of sadness, frustration and loss are common. Most likely, you know firsthand just how complex and multi-layered the losses are after a severe brain injury. It’s okay to grieve those losses. You are allowed to grieve even if others keep reminding you that you should feel grateful to be alive. Just as each brain injury is unique and personal, so too is grief. Honor your own way of grieving.
Brain Injury, Couples, and Emotion
A brain injury happens to both people in a relationship. Your lives have changed in an instant. You have both experienced a traumatic event and you both may have many different emotions.
Common Changes after Brain Injury
Symptoms vary, depending on many factors including the type of injury, severity, neurology and individual differences. Changes may become more evident over time. Often, however, changes and challenges - that impact everyday functioning - may remain invisible to the world.
Trauma and Grief: The Family Lifeboat
The storm is here. Every family member must put on his/her life jacket and get into the lifeboat together. You will experience waves of emotion, challenging behaviors, uncertainty and losses.
Brain Injury Happens to Families
Family members often shoulder the responsibility of caring for their injured loved one long after formal rehabilitation has ended. Unfortunately, most families are not prepared to meet the long-term demands of caring for a family member with a brain injury.
Grief: What the Research Says
Ever wondered what the research says about grief and bereavement? Well, as it turns out, the things that we’ve learned from research are interesting - and I would say for me personally, very validating. Here are just a few of the important findings, from 25 years of grief and bereavement research:
Grief and Continuing Bonds
Does the relationship end with the death of a loved one? Many people have been taught that moving forward after the death of a loved one means severing their connection. However, this idea has been revisited and challenged by grief researchers. As it turns out, some continuing bonds can be healthy and adaptive, while other bonds are not as helpful.
Grief and Children
Children grieve death and non-death losses just like adults. And like adults, each child’s way of grieving is unique. A child’s grief response is influenced by the child’s personality, temperament, and developmental level.