Light after Loss

Therapy for Grief and Traumatic Loss

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss.

We tend to associate grief with death. For many, the loss of a loved one is one of life’s most painful experiences. It can impact every part of our lives.

We also grieve nondeath losses. Many life events can trigger grief - the end of a relationship, a major illness, injury, job loss, financial hardship, or any significant life change. Nondeath losses can be uniquely painful and may be accompanied by complex emotional responses.

If you find that time has not healed your wounds and that you need additional support, I am here to listen and companion with you as you process the emotions, thoughts, and changes that the loss brings.

What is grief?

Grief is the day-to-day experiencing of loss. That includes your feelings, your thoughts and how you get through the day/night.

There is no timeline for grieving. Your grief may be relatively brief. Or you may find that you grieve, in some form, for the rest of your life.

Grief is unique to the individual. You may be surprised or confused by your reaction to loss. Grief is affected by coping style, comfort with emotions, personality, situational factors, and relationship with the deceased. It is common to experience a need to cry, laugh, or run away. Your emotions may ebb and flow. You may oscillate between confronting the loss and avoiding it. You may need quiet and solitude. You may grieve as you stay busy. Or you may find that you feel nothing.

Grief is unique to the individual and because of this you may feel isolated in your grief. And our grief-averse culture can leave you feeling alone.

Grief will impact you in many ways. Grief and loss will change you. You may find that you have new priorities. You may also notice a new sensitivity to the loss of others. Or you may even find that you question your beliefs. Some people question the meaning of life after a significant loss.

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness.” It is an emotional, physical, cognitive, behavioral and spiritual necessity, “the price we pay for love, and the only cure for grief is grieving."

— Earl Grollman

A Holistic Approach to Grief and Loss

Grief impacts us emotionally, cognitively, behaviorally, physically, and spiritually. This video explores the many dimensions of grief, as well as some common misconceptions.

There are no stages .

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first published her book in 1969 describing the five stages of death and dying. In the 50+ years since that time; however, grief researchers have not found evidence to support her stage theory.

What they have discovered is that grief is a complex neurobiological process that affects the griever emotionally, physically, behaviorally, and cognitively. Grief impacts nearly every area of a person’s life in a unique combination of way.

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Do small things seem to bother you more now?

If you answered “yes”, just know that this is common after a significant loss. Grief can shrink our window of tolerance causing us to be more reactive. This video offers a basic overview of the window of tolerance and stress responses. Therapy can help build/strengthen capacity for difficult emotions and increase feelings connection.

No matter how long it's been, there are times when it suddenly becomes harder to breathe.

Looking for something more to read?

Grief Therapy

Grief is a normal response to loss. However, there are times when therapy can be helpful. I offer grief therapy tailored to meet your individual needs and natural way of grieving.

EMDR & Grief

EMDR can provide an adaptive, healing experience for grievers. Some of the benefits are:

~ Reduced anxiety (grief is often accompanied by intense emotions and body sensations of worry, anxiety, and fear). In A Grief Observed, CS Lewis wrote, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear... The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness…” EMDR can help reduce anxiety and/or panic following a significant loss.

~ A deeper connection to the memories, thoughts, feelings, and experiences that you share with your deceased loved one. In fact, specific grief EMDR protocols - like IADC - are designed to foster deeper connection.

~ Increased resilience and more adaptive coping (even as the waves of grief continue).

~ More integration of the loss by honoring and acknowledging our capacity to love deeply.

While many people benefit from EMDR, your grief therapy may or may not include this therapy modality. Grief is a highly personal process and your needs may be better met with a different approach. No matter the technique; however, the goal of therapy is not to ‘take away” your grief. In truth, you may grieve in some form for the rest of your life. But there a few ways that therapy can help:

~ Increased Resilience. Therapy can help with reactivity. For example, if you are experiencing feelings of overwhelm or panic, there are techniques and strategies that can help increase your capacity for emotional experiencing.

~ Processing the Loss. Secondly (and I believe this is very important), therapy offers a space for your grief to be witnessed and explored without the expectation to “mask” your thoughts and feelings.

~ Maintaining Connection. Grief therapy may help deepen your connection with your loved one. Many of us are afraid of losing our connection and also fear that our loved one will be forgotten. I understand this fear on a very personal level and do not subscribe to the Freudian idea that connection with the deceased is something to relinquish in grief. In fact, current research suggests the opposite; maintaining continuing bonds can be adaptive for many grievers. Grief therapy, from my perspective, should protect, nourish, and deepen your connection (if you so desire).

~ Create Meaning. Significant loss is often accompanied by a need to construct meaning. This is a highly personal process. It may include finding ways to remember and honor your loved one. Or you may experience shifts in purpose and direction that lead to new life paths. And some of us experience profound personal transformation that challenges almost everything - our values, beliefs, relationships, etc.

We are all unique. And the relationship that you have with your loved one is just as unique. Just know that I am here to companion with you as you grieve and integrate the loss into your life.