Therapy for Personal Transformation

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” — Lao Tzu

There are moments (big and small) over the course of our lives that shape or change us. Both positive and negative life experiences can lead to personal change. When you look at your own life, which experiences would you consider pivotal? Here are a few examples of life events that can lead to personal change:

Positive Events

  • birth of a child | grandchild

  • falling in love

  • exposure to new culture | travel

  • reuniting with old friend or family member

  • empty nest

  • career change

  • relocation

Negative Events

  • loss of a loved one

  • loss of relationship, family, friends or community

  • traumatic event(s)

  • losing a job

  • natural disasters | pandemics

  • illness or injury

Grief and Trauma as Catalysts for Change

Many bereaved people will say that “everything changed” the day that their loved one passed away. This is especially common after a significant loss (i.e. loss of a child or life partner).

And some trauma survivors feel similarly. The world can look vastly different. And some find it necessary to reevaluate their lives -old patterns of thinking and behaving, relationships, identity, etc. - as they process the experience(s). Our lives may look exactly the same on the outside even as EVERYTHING feels different. In fact, others may not be aware of the changes occurring within.

Do grief and trauma change everyone? Many people are changed in some way (big or small). But the changes will be unique to you. Perhaps there is an increased awareness of the fragile and temporary nature of life. There may also be a strengthening of familiar beliefs, traditions, and practices.

Others may find themselves at a crossroad - reexamining all that is familiar. If we use Jung’s concept of the human psyche and visualize our ego consciousness resting on top of the personal & collective unconscious with just a thin veil separating both, grief and trauma have a way of peeling back that veil. It is from this “peeling back” that we can find ourselves wrestling with existential questions.

Post-Traumatic Growth. Is it a thing?

Post-traumatic growth is generally defined as “positive” changes that occur as a result of hardship. The ancient Greeks had a saying, “All great wisdom comes from suffering.” In an attempt to better understand how painful events can lead to personal growth, resilience researchers have attempted to answer the question: Can traumatic events lead to positive outcomes?

Areas of post traumatic growth are categorized along five domains. They are:

  • personal strength,

  • new possibilities,

  • improved relationships,

  • appreciation for life, and

  • spiritual growth.

The consensus, based on current research, suggests that traumatic events can be catalysts for post-traumatic growth, but not always. There are many reasons for this. Environment, personal coping, cultural influences, beliefs, the nature of the loss/trauma, and personality can shape our responses.

For many of us, the path through the pain is the most difficult journey of our lives. And there may times when we struggle to keep going. Labels, diagnoses, and others’ expectations can leave us feeling alienated and judged. If we are not seeing “positive growth” we can feel discouraged (like we’re doing it wrong).

But in reality, some experiences live outside the dichotomy of positive or negative and are not easily categorized. The ongoing impact may be understood more fully as we move through life. And while we may have a need to create meaning and learn from our experiences, answers may be difficult to find. An awareness of the randomness and inherit uncertainty of life can lead to even more questions.

It might be helpful to think about post-traumatic growth as something that potentially exists parallel to the hard, difficult reality of grief and trauma (rather than something that replaces the pain).

In time you may notice little sprouts of growth emerging from places you never imagined. But, the changes will be unique to you.

Sometimes we are unaware of the changes that have taken place. If you are interested in learning more about post-traumatic growth, this personal inventory may be helpful.

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings”

Sarah Paxton Ball Dodson and Dean Jackson

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.

Personal Growth & Transformation

Are you experiencing a shift in consciousness or a change in how you perceive yourself and your place in the world?

The shift can be gradual or it may happen suddenly. Perhaps you have experienced a significant event (i.e. loss, trauma, near-death experience, illness, etc.) or transformative encounter (i.e. conversation, book, travel, meditation, etc.) that inspired a shift in awareness or perspective.

Answers do no not come easily. And it can be a challenging time of self-reflection, introspection, questioning and doubt. You may have started examining your own

  • thought patterns,

  • ingrained behavior, or

  • emotional responses.

Growth is never a straight-forward or linear process. You will probably have stops, starts, missteps, periods of regression, intense emotional experiencing, and new challenges.

Change and transformation can show up in the most interesting ways. Often, it is the natural outgrowth of a life changing event. But the journey of personal growth may also begin with self reflection and discovery. Some people may experience a period of deconstruction. And for a few people, change will be influenced by spiritual growth.

The Call

Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth, believed that every hero’s journey begins with an initial invitation or “CALL” (that moment when we are offered the opportunity to leave what we know and embark on a transformative journey). He also suggested that almost everyone hesitates and some do not answer the call.

Here are 3 ways the CALL might show up:

  1. Self Reflection | Discovery.

The call for change may coincide with a period of self-reflection and analysis. You might become increasingly aware of a desire to

  • live differently in the world,

  • interrupt generational patterns,

  • create new ways of being, interacting or connecting,

  • re-evaluate values, beliefs and goals that no longer “fit”.

Self-discovery is often accompanied by an unlearning of some of the things you’ve been taught and internalized. This process should ultimately create space for a more authentic life.

2. Deconstruction.

For some, critical analysis extends to a reevaluation of larger systems, social constructs or cultural norms. Some examples are:

  • religious doctrine or principles,

  • economic materialism | consumerism,

  • gender roles | patriarchy

  • the medical model of mental health,

  • beliefs about life and death,

  • systemic discrimination | marginalization | otherness,

  • and so much more…

Some people may experience increased interest in rationalism, skepticism, agnosticism or atheism. If you come from a high-control, fear-based or deeply religious background, this change may be accompanied by many layers of loss (i.e. family, community, connection, security, safety, certainty, etc.).

If you’re feeling like the process of deconstruction is a lot, that’s because it is! There’s no easy button. Deconstruction can feel existentially exhausting and lonely as hell.

3. Spiritual Awakening.

For some, spiritual growth or awakening is foundational for personal transformation. Common experiences include:

  • questioning pretty much everything (identity, existence, purpose, beliefs, relationships, etc.),

  • thirst for more authenticity or meaning,

  • curiosity or increased interest in “spirituality”,

  • feelings of unconditional love,

  • connectedness with nature and living things,

  • expanded interest in the soul or afterlife,

  • noticing signs, symbols, or synchronicities

  • the world just feels very different (even when nothing appears changed on the outside).

For many, this period may be quite challenging. It is sometimes referred to as the dark night of the soul (a term attributed to the 16th century poet, St John of the Cross) highlighting the difficult, lonely and painful experiences that can accompany a spiritual awakening.

There are many paths that lead to a more authentic life.

If you are experiencing profound personal changes, I offer a space for you to explore emerging aspects of self and integrate those changes into your life.

Videos and Blog Posts

Therapy

Are you feeling dismissed or misunderstood?

Have you found it difficult to find someone that understands the internal changes taking place?

Are you searching for ways to integrate the changes into your life?

If you are experiencing a painful change or transition, counseling may be helpful.

Change - even those that have positive long-term benefits - can come with a loss of family, friends, and community. You may miss your “old self” or “old life”. It is common to feel sad, anxious, abandoned, or estranged following a significant life change.

I am here to help you process your thoughts and feelings as you navigate your changing world. New awareness and insight may emerge as we talk. You may also learn to trust your own instincts, inner wisdom, and judgment a little more. Or, you may find renewed strength, resilience, acceptance, creative solutions, and resourcefulness.