Lives in Transition

Therapy for Personal Transformation

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
— Lao Tzu

There are moments (big and small) over the course of our lives that shape or change us in some way. Both positive and negative life experiences can lead to personal change. When you look at your own life, which experiences would you consider pivotal? Here are a few examples of life events that can lead to personal change:

Positive Events

  • Birth of a child / grandchild

  • Falling in love

  • Exposure to a new culture / travel

  • Reuniting with an old friend or family member

  • Mastering a new skill or achieving a long term goal

  • Career change

  • Exposure to new ideas

Negative Events

  • Loss of a loved one

  • Loss of relationship, family, friends or community

  • Traumatic event(s)

  • Losing a job

  • Negative historical events | natural disasters | pandemics

  • Illness or injury

Grief and Trauma as Catalysts for Change

Many bereaved people will say that “everything changed” the day that their loved one passed away. This is especially common after a significant loss (i.e. loss of a child or life partner).

And some trauma survivors feel similarly. The world can look vastly different. And some find it necessary to reevaluate their lives -old patterns of thinking and behaving, relationships, identity, etc. - as they process the experience(s). Our lives may look exactly the same on the outside even as EVERYTHING feels different. In fact, others may not be aware of the changes occurring within.

Do grief and trauma change everyone? Many people are changed in some way (big or small). But the changes will be unique to you. Perhaps there is an increased awareness of the fragile and temporary nature of life. There may also be a strengthening of familiar beliefs, traditions, and practices.

Others may find themselves at a crossroad - reexamining all that is familiar. If we use Jung’s concept of the human psyche and visualize our ego consciousness resting on top of the personal & collective unconscious with just a thin veil separating both, grief and trauma have a way of peeling back that veil. It is from this “peeling back” that we can find ourselves wrestling with existential questions.

Post-Traumatic Growth. Is it a thing?

Post-traumatic growth is generally defined as “positive” changes that occur as a result of hardship. The ancient Greeks had a saying, “All great wisdom comes from suffering.” In an attempt to better understand how painful events can lead to personal growth, resilience researchers have attempted to answer the question: Can traumatic events lead to positive outcomes?

Areas of post traumatic growth are categorized along five domains. They are:

  • personal strength,

  • new possibilities,

  • improved relationships,

  • appreciation for life, and

  • spiritual growth.

The consensus, based on current research, suggests that traumatic events can be catalysts for post-traumatic growth, but not always. There are many reasons for this. Environment, personal coping, cultural influences, beliefs, the nature of the loss/trauma, and personality can shape our responses.

For many of us, the path through the pain is the most difficult journey of our lives. And there may times when we struggle to keep going. Labels, diagnoses, and others’ expectations can leave us feeling alienated and judged. If we are not seeing “positive growth” we can feel discouraged (like we’re doing it wrong).

But in reality, some experiences live outside the dichotomy of positive or negative and are not easily categorized. The ongoing impact may be understood more fully as we move through life. And while we may have a need to create meaning and learn from our experiences, answers may be difficult to find. An awareness of the randomness and inherit uncertainty of life can lead to even more questions.

It might be helpful to think about post-traumatic growth as something that potentially exists parallel to the hard, difficult reality of grief and trauma (rather than something that replaces the pain).

In time you may notice little sprouts of growth emerging from places you never imagined. But, the changes will be unique to you.

Sometimes we are unaware of the changes that have taken place. If you are interested in learning more about post-traumatic growth, this personal inventory can be helpful.

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.

Personal Growth / Awakening

Are you experiencing a shift of consciousness or a change in how you perceive yourself and your place in the world?

The shift can be gradual or it may happen suddenly.. Perhaps you have experienced a significant event (i.e. loss, trauma, near-death experience, illness, etc.) or transformative encounter (i.e. conversation, book, travel, meditation, etc.) that inspired a shift in awareness or perspective.

Answers may not come easily. And it can be a challenging time of self-reflection, introspection, questioning, and doubt. You may have started deconstructing your own thought patterns, ingrained behaviors, and emotional responses. Part of the process may also include unlearning internalized false narratives.

Your growth is unique to you. There are may paths. Your experiences may be personal, spiritual, or secular (or any combination thereof):

~ Personal. The change that you seek may be born of self-discovery. You may desire to live differently in the world, interrupt generational patterns, or create new ways of being, interacting, or connecting.

~ Spiritual. For some, growth comes by way of a spiritual awakening. common experiences include, but not limited to, heightened awareness, increased sensitivity, feelings of unconditional love, peace, expanded interest in the soul/afterlife, synchronicities, lucid dreams, and feelings of connectedness with all living things. At the same time, some may find this time to be challenging. It is sometimes referred to as the dark night of the soul, highlighting the difficult, lonely, and painful experiences that can accompany a spiritual awakening.

~ Secular. For others the shift may be more material or pragmatic. There may be a new or renewed interest in rationalism, skepticism, agnosticism or atheism. There may also be a reexamination of religious institutions or other societal structures. If you come from a deeply religious background, this change may be accompanied by many layers of loss (i.e. community, connection, certainty, etc.).

Are experiencing profound personal changes? If so, I offer a space for you to explore emerging aspects of yourself as you begin to integrate those changes into your daily life.

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings”

Sarah Paxton Ball Dodson and Dean Jackson

Looking for something to read?

Therapy

Are you feeling dismissed or misunderstood?

Have you found it difficult to find someone that understands the internal changes taking place?

Are you searching for ways to integrate the changes into your life?

If you are experiencing a painful change or transition, counseling may be helpful.

Change - even those that have positive long-term benefits - can come with a loss of family, friends, and community. You may miss your “old self” or “old life”. It is common to feel sad, anxious, abandoned, or estranged following a significant life change.

I am here to help you process your thoughts and feelings as you navigate your changing world. New awareness and insight may emerge as we talk. You may also learn to trust your own instincts, inner wisdom, and judgment a little more. Or, you may find renewed strength, resilience, acceptance, creative solutions, and resourcefulness.