Someone I Love is Dying: Anticipatory Grief
Grief does not wait until after death when someone is terminally ill. Grief can begin when there is a diagnosis. Grief that happens before death looks like grief that happens after the death. Anticipatory grief does not prevent grief after death. Grief is a normal and natural response to an anticipated death.
As the disease progresses, your suffering may also increase. You may experience feelings of helplessness. You may find it difficult to balance your grief experience and with your need and desire to be present with the person that is dying. You may even feel guilty about grieving because it feels as if you are “giving up hope”.
What does anticipatory grief look and feel like?
Some of the common experiences of anticipatory grief include sadness, irritability, guilt, anger, anxiety, loss of connection, loneliness, insomnia, an urgency to talk things through, rehearsal of the anticipated death, loss of security, loss of role, and feeling as if you are losing a piece of yourself.
How can I prepare myself for my loved one’s death?
You can prepare emotionally for the death by having adequate medical knowledge of the illness/death process, resolving old conflicts, saying “what needs to be said”, and allowing yourself to begin envisioning a life after the death. What if I feel completely overwhelmed?
If you are feeling overwhelmed, it’s a good idea to talk to someone - a friend, family member, pastor, etc. Counseling can also be helpful. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest parts of living. I am here to help you process the changes, new demands, adjustments, and intense feelings that come with saying good-bye to someone you love. I offer you a place to rest your heart and be heard.
Emily Watson, LMFT
