EMDR Protocol for Grief
Would you like to strengthen your connection with your deceased loved one? You might be interested to know that there is a specific EMDR protocol that honors continuing bonds after death while decreasing the distress that accompanies grief. It is especially helpful for those that have experienced a traumatic loss. It is unlike traditional talk or grief counseling. The IADC protocol feels much more experiential and spontaneous. When the grief-related distress diminishes, clients generally experience a state of calmness, openness, and receptivity.
Disenfranchised Loss and Grief
Disenfranchised grief is highly personal. What is painful for one person, family, or community may not be so for another. This may increase feelings of isolation, anger, or shame. It can feel as if your pain is invisible to the world. A few examples of disenfranchised loss include loss of physical health, loss of home, loss of community/culture, miscarriage, infertility, abortion, estrangement, brain injury, dementia, severe mental illness, addiction, incarceration, and loss of faith.
How long will I grieve my child?
I’ve learned that these waves of grief are a normal and natural response to loss. When someone you love dearly dies, you may experience these waves in varying degrees of intensity for the rest of your life. Your relationship with the waves, however, will most likely change. In the beginning, it feels like you won’t survive.
I keep expecting him to come home.
Do you find yourself expecting your loved one to walk through the door? This is a common experience. And current research suggests that there may be evolutionary neurobiological processes at work that create this phenomenon.
Your Brain on Grief
Our brains undergo some profound changes after a devastating loss. Your brain has a painful problem to solve. When your loved one was alive, your brain created a special kind of map for that person. And a lot of time and energy was used to create this map. It really struggles to navigate the new reality of loss and transform the relationship.
Grief. What is it?
Grief is the natural and normal response to loss. It is the day-to-day experiencing of the loss. That includes your feelings, your thoughts and how you get through the day/night.
Grief & Holding Space
Wondering how to support someone that is grieving? One way you can show your support is by holding space. Your simple presence may be the most healing and helpful thing you have to offer. Grievers often need someone to be present and bear witness to the pain, tears, and memories.
Family Estrangement & the Holidays
Families go “no-contact” for many reasons. Choosing to end a relationship with family members may be an adaptive response to an unhealthy environment. However, nearly all estrangements are accompanied by a sense of loss, sadness, or anger – this true even if you are the one that chose to go “no-contact”. Images of happy families on Facebook and Instagram may add salt to the wound.
Grief and the Holidays
This can be a particularly hard time of year for those of us that grieve the loss of loved ones. As we gather, we are naturally reminded of the ones that are not here to celebrate with us. It may feel incredibly unfair as you scroll through all the images of happy families and couples on Facebook or Instagram. You may desperately wish that you could spend one more special day with your deceased mother, sister, or spouse.
Family Estrangement
Social media is filled with idealized images of families. You’ve probably never seen pictures of a family in conflict or struggling – there are no unfiltered images of tear-streaked, dejected faces. If you are estranged from your family, you may not know how common it is. You might feel alone and stigmatized as you scroll images of “happy” families. However, family estrangement is quite common and there are many others out there – like you - that are struggling with being cutoff.
Change, Personal Growth, and Loss
It is quite common for us to think about our identities as “fixed”. However, subtle changes may be occurring over time without our awareness. It is very similar to the physical changes that happen over time. If you compare a recent picture with an old picture of yourself, you will probably notice some differences. But, what about the internal changes? Are you the same person you were 5 years ago, 10 years ago, even 20 or 30 years ago? If not, what kind of changes do you notice? Do you know when the change began?
Someone I Love is Dying: Anticipatory Grief
Grief does not wait until after death when someone is terminally ill. Grief can begin when there is a diagnosis. Grief that happens before death looks like grief that happens after the death. Anticipatory grief does not prevent grief after death. Grief is a normal and natural response to an anticipated death.
Brain Injury - Layers of Loss and Change
Feelings of sadness, frustration and loss are common. Most likely, you know firsthand just how complex and multi-layered the losses are after a severe brain injury. It’s okay to grieve those losses. You are allowed to grieve even if others keep reminding you that you should feel grateful to be alive. Just as each brain injury is unique and personal, so too is grief. Honor your own way of grieving.
Trauma and Grief: The Family Lifeboat
The storm is here. Every family member must put on his/her life jacket and get into the lifeboat together. You will experience waves of emotion, challenging behaviors, uncertainty and losses.
Grief: What the Research Says
Ever wondered what the research says about grief and bereavement? Well, as it turns out, the things that we’ve learned from research are interesting - and I would say for me personally, very validating. Here are just a few of the important findings, from 25 years of grief and bereavement research:
Grief and Continuing Bonds
Does the relationship end with the death of a loved one? Many people have been taught that moving forward after the death of a loved one means severing their connection. However, this idea has been revisited and challenged by grief researchers. As it turns out, some continuing bonds can be healthy and adaptive, while other bonds are not as helpful.
Grief and Children
Children grieve death and non-death losses just like adults. And like adults, each child’s way of grieving is unique. A child’s grief response is influenced by the child’s personality, temperament, and developmental level.
Grief: One Man’s Personal Account
Grief comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while.
Grief and Toxic Positivity
Positivity in grief embraces the idea that two things can be true at the same time. It does not deny the one’s reality. Unhelpful (toxic) positivity values the appearance of normalcy over authentic experiences and emotions. It denies one’s reality.