Relationship Changes after Brain Injury
Has your relationship changed since the brain injury?
If you answered yes, you are not alone.
Many couples report significant changes in their relationship following a brain injury. In fact, a brain injury can impact nearly every aspect of your relationship. For some couples the changes may be more profound, for others the changes may be a little more subtle. Just as every brain injury is unique, every relationship is unique.
Take a few minutes to think about some of the changes your relationship has been asked to accommodate. Some of the more common changes that couples experience are listed below. How many of these can you relate to?
Living with a Different Person. When changes in the injured partner are significant (i.e., changes in personality, behavior, mood, emotion, and thinking), the uninjured partner may feel as if he or she is living with a stranger. Similarly, the injured person may not recognize themselves after the injury. It can be a very confusing and unsettling time for both partners.
Roles and Responsibilities. Shifts in roles and responsibilities may be temporary or permanent. The uninjured partner may take on a caretaking role or assume additional responsibilities while the injured partner is in the process of recovery and rehabilitation. A non-working partner may be required to return to work. Conversely, a working partner may need to take some time away from work.
Leisure or Social Activities. Couples sometimes discover that they are not able to enjoy the same activities that they once shared together (i.e., sporting events, concerts, restaurants, etc.). There may be many reasons for this. One contributing factor is that the injured partner may have new sensitivities to light, crowds, or noise. Fatigue is another factor (You are healing, and it takes time.). Physical changes may also impact your choice of activities.
Friends and Family. One of the most common changes reported by couples is a decrease in support over time. In the beginning, there may be a considerable amount of support; but as time goes on this may decrease. The process of healing from a brain injury can take years and it may be a life-long journey for some. Friends and family may have difficulty understanding that things are not “back to normal”. Sometimes the changes are so profound, that you find you have less in common with friends. A loss of friends and family can lead to feelings of isolation for some.
Communication. Changes in communication may result from many factors. Some of these include limited attention, lack of concentration, word-finding challenges, difficulty tracking, impaired thought organization, and difficulty staying on topic. In addition, communication may be impacted by emotional changes. It is common to feel as if you are “riding a roller coaster of emotion” following a brain injury. High levels of emotion are common. And the opposite can also be true (feelings of numbness, lack of emotion expression, etc.). Each of these factors will impact communication.
Sex. Several factors may contribute to sexual changes following a brain injury. For one, hormones can change which may impact libido. Another factor may be the injured partner’s sensitivity to touch. Sometimes, there is a loss in confidence. In addition, uninjured partner may feel anxious. He or she may become very immersed in the caretaker role and have difficulty engaging in sex. With time and patience, you can find a way to enjoy each other again.
The two of you are navigating very challenging changes. A brain injury is a traumatic event that requires time, hard work, and lots of patience. Your lives may have changed in very profound ways. It can be very challenging to find your way back to each other and yourselves. As you work through all the changes, each of you may find that you have a clearer understanding of yourselves and each other.
Emily Watson, LMFT
