Disenfranchised Loss and Grief

Why do I feel like I don’t have the right to grieve?

There are many reasons for this. But let’s consider two reasons.

• First, we live in a culture that doesn’t understand loss and grief. Our grief-averse culture leaves grievers feeling isolated.

• Secondly, let’s look at the type of loss. Society doesn’t recognize or validate all forms of grief equally. Some types of grief are not acknowledged or accepted. A few examples of disenfranchised loss include

  • loss of physical health,

  • loss of home,

  • loss of community/culture,

  • miscarriage,

  • infertility,

  • abortion,

  • estrangement from family,

  • brain injury,

  • dementia,

  • severe mental illness,

  • addiction,

  • incarceration, and

  • loss of faith.

Disenfranchised grief is highly personal. What is painful for one person, family, or community may not be so for another. This may increase feelings of isolation, anger, or shame. It can feel as if your pain is invisible to the world.

What can I do?

Please do not allow others to talk you out of your personal experience. Honor your own way of experiencing and grieving a loss, even when… or rather, especially when society fails to validate your experience.

You may have to actively search for connection and support. Look for support groups with people that have experienced something similar. Many believe that disenfranchised grief is one of the most difficult kind of grief because of the lack of social support and validation - two things that are very helpful in the grieving process.