Brain Injury and Family Grief
“Grief only exists where love lives first.”— Franchesca Cox
A severe brain injury is one of the most devastating events that a family can experience. Losses are multi-layered and complex. Changes in your family member can be profound enough to be grieved like a death. Additional losses may include loss of relationship(s), financial stability, changes family roles, and many more.
Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. But society does not recognize or validate a family’s grief following a brain injury. It is common for the family’s grief experience to be overlooked or minimized. Some family members may feel alone during a very painful emotional experience. Others may feel as if they do not have the right to grieve. Pauline Boss, PhD, Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, captures the feelings of loss that families often experience when their loved one is physically present but changed in profound ways. A lack of finality or resolution compounds feelings of loss. Ambiguity and uncertainty stress family dynamics. Sometimes, grief may be delayed to maintain a sense of normalcy.
Every family is unique. Many factors will influence your experience - including culture, beliefs, and relationship dynamics. In addition, each member of the family may have a different experience. Although the family is living through the same event, your individual responses to trauma and grief may vary widely. A few things that may help include:
Honor each family member’s way of coping/grieving. Grief and trauma reactions are unpredictable, fluid and vary widely.
Be aware that this type of loss can be particularly difficult and complex. There may be no sense of finality or closure.
Maintain connections with supportive family members and friends. Unfortunately, this may mean that you occasionally need to find a way to forgive platitudes and unhelpful advice from those that lack understanding.
Establish a predictable environment (family routines, consistent schedules, etc.) as much as possible.
Engage in enjoyable activities together and individually. This can be anything that you enjoy or that feels healing for you (i.e., journaling, dancing, watching a movie, playing a game, etc.).
Join and share with others that have experienced something similar through support groups.
Seek counseling when appropriate.
Brain injury is a life-changing event. There will be growing pains, upheaval, and lots of change. You will learn much as you rise to meet the challenges of brain injury. Recovery is a long, long process. Each of you may be changed in some profound way.
Emily Watson, LMFT
