Families go “no-contact” for many reasons. Choosing to end a relationship with family members may be an adaptive response to an unhealthy environment. However, nearly all estrangements are accompanied by a sense of loss, sadness, or anger – this true even if you are the one that chose to go “no-contact”. Images of happy families on Facebook and Instagram may add salt to the wound.

As the holiday season approaches, you may have mixed feelings about gathering with friends and family. You might be excited about reconnecting with loved ones. Or you might even feel anxious about interacting with friends and family. Or you may even plan to spend the holidays alone.

Whatever your plans, the holiday season might be accompanied by many different feelings and challenges. There may be feelings of loss or sadness about all that has changed in your life. It is also common to feel stressed or anxious. You’ve been through a life-transforming event. This holiday season might feel and look different than holidays in the past.

This can be a particularly hard time of year for those of us that grieve the loss of loved ones. As we gather, we are naturally reminded of the ones that are not here to celebrate with us. It may feel incredibly unfair as you scroll through all the images of happy families and couples on Facebook or Instagram. You may desperately wish that you could spend one more special day with your deceased mother, sister, or spouse.

Social media is filled with idealized images of families. You’ve probably never seen pictures of a family in conflict or struggling – there are no unfiltered images of tear-streaked, dejected faces. If you are estranged from your family, you may not know how common it is. You might feel alone and stigmatized as you scroll images of “happy” families. However, family estrangement is quite common and there are many others out there – like you - that are struggling with being cutoff.

A few researchers sat with families and interviewed them about their experiences following a severe brain injury (Stenberg, Stalnacke, & Saveman, 2022). Their findings were interesting, but I’m sure they are not a surprise to families living with brain injury. Here are their findings. Do any of their findings sound familiar to you?

A severe brain injury is one of the most devastating events that a family can experience. Losses are multi-layered and complex. Changes in your family member can be profound enough to be grieved like a death. Additional losses may include loss of relationship(s), financial stability, changes family roles, and many more.

The storm is here. Every family member must put on his/her life jacket and get into the lifeboat together. You will experience waves of emotion, challenging behaviors, uncertainty and losses.

Family members often shoulder the responsibility of caring for their injured loved one long after formal rehabilitation has ended. Unfortunately, most families are not prepared to meet the long-term demands of caring for a family member with a brain injury.